she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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