and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
