this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
