I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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