Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
