I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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