Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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