This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
