I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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