After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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