Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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