She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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