Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love you.
Bad choice
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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