Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
