things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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