I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
