We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
