the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
