i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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