idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
