I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
