i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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