Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
