I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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