I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
