Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
