I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."