My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.