dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "