My cat gives me a boner
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize