I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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