you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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