That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
