He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
