then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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