How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
