Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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