I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
