Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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