I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
