I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
