filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The air was thick with penises
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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