Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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