I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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