Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
