yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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