I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
