I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
