you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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