Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
