So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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