so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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