if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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