I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
