I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
