Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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