He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
