Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You have to summon your inner elephant
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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