WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He felt like a one man threesome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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