your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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