I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
