i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if only i could text you this smell
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
