Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
