i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
either way he was missing a nipple.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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