mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
