Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
